Finding home

I first came to Bonhoeffer House around December 8th of last year, just wanting a place to spend the night (it was near freezing; not a good night to be sleeping in the church parking lot). I never expected to find a home here, but that's exactly what happened.

About a month later, I met with Ceceliah Igweta for the first time to discuss the possibility of joining an Epworth community. I asked about the possibility of spending time at one of the houses, immersing myself in the life the members live, and Ceceliah suggested Cochran House. I thought about it and prayed, and I really believe that God told me that would also be home to me -- which it has been, since the first time I went there for their Thursday night meal. I immediately felt comfortable and like Justin and the girls were family, just as much as the guys at Bonhoeffer are.

I feel that way about Grace Church, as well -- the first time I went to Sunday morning service on December 18th, I felt welcome and like I belonged there -- which I hadn't felt about church in years. (I went to a few masses at Holy Trinity Catholic Church, but they didn't really affect me.)

Pastor Mary at Grace has found me an apartment with a lady who goes to Oasis Global Church where Mary is the pastor. I'm very grateful to her, but... I don't have the "gut feeling" that I'm supposed to be there. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of leaving Bonhoeffer (well, actually that's a given -- as I told Ryan a couple of hours ago, the thought of leaving "home" scares the hell out of me), or if I'm actually supposed to stay in this area. I'm willing to concede that God may be trying to push me out of my comfort zone, but it kind of doesn't feel like that to me. I think I've grown more spiritually over the past five months, living here, than I did in 25 or so years of going to a Baptist church.

I think someone commented during Sunday school a week or so ago that church is sometimes like a club or social get-together, and that's really how I felt early in my life... I went to church more to see my friends than because I was getting anything out of it, spiritually speaking. That is not how I feel about going to Grace. The sermons really touch me, no matter who's preaching, and just being in such a holy place where you know God is... I really can't put into words the effect it's had on me.

And that's why I don't really want to move to far north Dallas, where it'll take me well over an hour to get here on the bus. Better that I find a place close by so I can be around the people who have helped me grow in my faith.

And I feel peace about the fact that I may have to defer starting school for awhile -- not forever, but just until I get settled. (The fact that it'll take me over an hour to get to and from El Centro has a lot to do with it, too...)

So. I guess I'm going to be homeless for a bit longer than I planned...