Loneliness

I hate to say it, but I think I may be on the verge of losing it.

All I do all day long is hang out at the church or at Bonhoeffer House. I mean, there are things to do -- right now I could be at the Bible study in the conference room; twice a week there's an exercise class downstairs... but I need to do something, get together with people away from the church.

I want to make friends and go out to eat once in awhile. Go see a movie. Just do something that doesn't involve church.

I just met with my Stephen minister and told her about sitting on the porch at the house  (I was thinking about something that happened this past weekend), listening to what was going on inside, knowing I couldn't be involved... I couldn't help crying. And I don't know what to do.

I think I may have said something once (I don't remember if it was here or in an email or what) about having to have lived an introverted life for so long that it's hard for me to make friends now. I mean, when people approach me it's fine, but I'm so afraid of being perceived as pushing myself on people that it's hard for me to approach them. Unless I have a reason to, I don't give out my phone number or email address, although I'd like to. Maybe someone would call me and just want to talk or something. I could hope.

I'm just sick of being alone all the time.